[DoveInGrey]

I'm not that strong and I ****ed up and made a few cuts... well hidden in a place I've not cut before so OH hasn't seen them yet... hopefully he won't because they're not deep and there aren't many so I'm rubbing them with sweet almond oil to heal them quickly, before he notices.

He's the only person I could really talk to about this and I don't want to worry him with it as it doesn't feel important enough... I'm going to try and set a time limit, if the urges are still bothering me then I'll have to talk about them but I'm hoping it won't come to that.

[ETA- my fiance has threatened that if I start cutting again, then so will he which is why I feel I can't tell him and still want to keep this from him. We all know how easy it is to get drawn into SI ionce we make that first cut and I don't want that to happen to him as well.

I rather hoped(rationalized?) that making the cuts would get the urges out my system. It hasn't though, duh. Quite the opposite, I feel unsatisfied that I didn't cut deep enough, or make enough cuts and now I feel the urge to do some more serious, more satisfying damage. I feel stupid as I should have known that was going to happen. Like I haven't been there done that before too often to remember.