i dont think its silly, i a exsactly the same where i feel i need something with me or have a plan all the time as something to fall back on encase things get too hard, it makes me feel safe and more at ease. my psychologist didnt really understand the concept of something that causes me harm making me feel safe though. what i did though was manage to give up my blades for a week and then after that if i wanted it back i got it back again but i didnt want them back again once i had got rid of them i learnt that i could cope without the safety net! saying that though i still do constantly have a plan of how i could kill myself, but im trying to learn to not do that too!
take care
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