ok....first off you are NOT a despicable creature.
ive heard alot of people call themselves things but thats a first!!!
i think wanting to hurt is very normal.
and youre right...your childhood shapes you into the person that you are.
BUT with therapy and maybe the right meds...you can become the person you WANT to be.
im wondering if youre seeing therapist or taking any meds?
i was also physically and sexually abused as a child, and subconcoiusly i think ive looked for it all my adult life. i put myself into situations where i know i will get hurt. it can turn into a vicious cycle. but it is very normal to feel this way or so ive been told by my therapist.
keep writing if you need to...sometimes it just helps to get it all out.
oh...and we certainly dont mind if its all jumbled and fuzzy....half our posts are like that, lol.
but you made perfect sense to me.
take care of you.
much love.
xx
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