[BrokenButStillBreathing]

I've been doing well - I never cut often, once every few months. But I make the wounds last.. That have no chance to heal..

I shouldn't be saying this though. The thoughts keep invading my head.

I don't want to do it again. I want to quit. But I can't see the point. At least, not from where I'm sitting right now.
I can't see the point in anything.

It's slow building, this feeling. Like a black cloud. Thick fog.
It hides in the back of my head, waiting for a moment of weakness. Then it moves.
Slowly, but steadily. There's no fighting it.
I can keep it at bay for a while, but I can't defeat it. It's like it's inevitable.

I've beaten it before, but not completely. It's just been banished to the back of my head, only to return again. Stronger. Leaving me with just a few short weeks to recover from it's last try.

The last time? 2 weeks ago. I'm glad to say I didn't cut, at all.
But I've literally just got over it and it's back. Worse this time.

It's a struggle to just keep typing. Trying to keep myself busy with the words on the page and the music in my ears.
I can see that it won't work though, however much I want it to.

I'm fed up of temporary solutions. Of getting through sometimes clean and not others.
I want this to be fixed. Completely.
Is that even possible? I can't see that it is. These thoughts, these ideas. They'll always be there, even if they're buried. They won't go away altogether. So is there any point trying?