My feelings towards mine change almost on a daily basis.
My older scars that are white i have no feelings toward really, they're not particularly visible and so i dont really mind them. The ones on my wrist i like. They make a pattern and as sick as it is i like the pattern they make. I sometimes wonder though if this is more to do with my OCD than anything else.
My newer scars from my recent episodes i swing from detesting them to thinking they're nothing to wanting more. Like today i was out shopping and all day i've hated them and wished them gone and my friend caught a quick peek when i was in a changing room and i've never been so embarrased and ashamed. But sometimes when i'm low or feeling bad then i wish they were worse, i want to make more and i get slightly obsessed with them and can't stop looking at them.
At the moment though i'll admit i'm pretty unwell and i realise these are not normal perceptions of things. I'm hoping once i'm well i'll be able to gain some perspective again.
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