This really made me think...why is it I do what I do? It was a good exercise. I may even bring a copy with my answers to my next therapy appointment.
1. List the ways that you self-harm <no tip sharing, be generic
Cutting, burning, bruising, restricting
2. How do these behaviors help you survive?
They help me to cope with daily stressors; they help me make it through the times when my symptoms are severe and I feel out of control. They help me make it through emotional crisis.
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control?[/font]
I am in control of how much pain I inflict on myself. I am in control of what kind of pain I will inflict.
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better?
It helps to calm me down after a distressing event which makes me feel better. It also helps by giving me a sense of peace knowing that I did something to ease my emotional state, making me feel better.
5. How does this behavior give me revenge?
It helps me to express the hatred and rage I feel towards myself. I get to “take out my own revenge” by causing myself pain.
6. How does this behavior punish me?
It punishes me by keeping myself in check. Knowing that I can punish myself because I deserve the pain. I deserve to be treated like crap. I deserve punishment so I get punishment.
7. When and why did you start this behavior?
I started this behavior when I was about 8 or 9 years old and it gradually got worse as the years went on. I started because I was being abused at home and when my dad got sick with cancer and was no longer able to hurt me anymore, I felt I still deserved that punishment so I started hurting myself.
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies)
It comforts me to know that I have a way to make myself feel better in an instant if I need it. It comforts me to know that it has been there for me through a lot of hardship when nothing or no one else was.
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do:
I want to show that I own my body
I want to express my rage at myself
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings
I have a message to give that I cant' say directly
I believe my body is a battleground
I want to express my shame
I am trying to express my pain
I am taking over where my abuser left off
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
I am trying to prove that I am alive
I am trying to manage my flashbacks/memories
I am trying to release emotional tension
I am trying to buy myself time by focusing attention on physical rather than emotional pain
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1. Journal or some other form of creative writing
2. Exercise of some sort; the more intense the exercise the better
3. Listen to music
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you)
Self-harm doesn't hurt anyone but me and it really doesn't hurt me either
It's my body, I can do what I want with it
It's no big deal and shouldn't upset anyone
I need to be punished for what I did
It just shows how bad a person I am
It keeps people away
The scars are there for a reason, they remind me of my shame/need for punishment
FINALLY! I'm adding one more question to this list, what stage are you on in the 6 stages of recovery? (see hidden information for the stages and details of each)
I think that I am on stage three. I am working on finding other coping mechanisms that help me, I am working in therapy to decrease my self harm behaviors, but I am not quite at a stage where I am sure I want to give it up. I am preparing myself to give it up.