:( ohh, I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad.
I hope you are ok??? It was quite a while ago that you posted and I've only just seen it.
Please don't give up. I know exactly how you feel, a few nights ago I was in exactly the same situation, all I could think of was ways to kill myself and wanting to cut myself and it just keept going round and round in my head, I even wrote a suicide note. But it's not the answer, and things do get better. Usually these thoughts don't last that long, well for me I feel different now and don't want to die, it's normally when you are feeling your worse and in a very black mood.....but a few days later you could feel completly different.....it's not worth it or feelings that will change or something you will regret thinking later.
How many people feel really bad and regret cutting themselves after? And think that it was pointless or that they did it over nothing. With suicide there is no way back afterwards and not one to regret it.
I'm sorry I'm not very good at helpingbor having the right things to say..... I'm just trying to explain that it's not worth it and that it won't always be like this.
There are alot if people on here that care about you, and I'm sue you have alot of family and friends that care too, all of us would be very upset and hurt if you wasn't here, I know it sometimes feels like no one cares but they do, and it may feel like dying will only cause a small amount of pain that will be better than if you was here, well it wouldn't, and the pain for others would be worse than any pain from seeing you upset or from you SH.
Lots if people care about you, none of us would want to see you die.
I'm sure that you have also had an impact on the world and aren't just a waste of space, everyone is important and everyone deserves to be here. I'm sure if you think about it there must be some good things that you have done or something you have achieved?? I think you must have pit a smile on some peoples faces, and helped people on here, that's doing something good and is enough of a reason that you deserve to be here.
I hope that you are ok.
I think that you should try to get to the doctors, I know you have said nothing has been very helpful and that you can't be put on a high dosage if meds, but I'm sure they must be able to do something if you are feeling this bad, or fight to get help...fight to get through this.
There are other things you can turn to for help, call a crisis line or samaritines or something, or try to get a counsellor or pshyciatrist...anything that will help, even if it may take a while. I think that you can get emergency counselling or be given one fairly quickly if you are seriously depressed/suicidal etc.
Please be ok x
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