awww...thank you both.
i love you guys.
im just really struggling.
i dont know how to explain it.
im finding it hard to get my words out.
im confused, sad, kinda "lost".
a bit angry....frustrated.
umm....restless.
very nauseated.
i wish i could just vomit and get it over with.
i always throw up when someone dies but i havent yet.
i just cant believe hes gone.
i wont let myself.
im afraid if i do..i'll completely lose it and im scared.
i have no safe place to go.
and the stress with my brother is all consuming.
im very concerned about my arm.
i honestly didnt mean to do so much damage.
but i didnt even feel it.
i was frustrated because i felt no pain when i cut but then realized i had cut so deep that it just went numb.
i damaged alot of nerves and a tendon...thats why its numb...i so hope its only temporary.
i just dont want to completely break down or shut down.
and ive got that headache over my right eye again...supposedly a migraine but my doc has suspected that i may be having temporal lobe seizures which is kinda scary.
my right eye completely crosses when i get the headaches.
anyhow..im rambling now.
xx
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