I have just spotted your post and had to reply - even though it meant becoming a member of RYL at 3 in the morning! When i read what you had written, I had to look around for hidden cameras, that convinced was I that somone was writing about me (apart from the coffee part, yuck!)
I am sorry you are having such trouble lately. Being in the same boat as you, I don't have any advice for you.... but i thought it might make you feel a bit better to know that by writting your post, you have made somone who is as close to harming as they have been in 4 years feel slightly less alone, slightly more sane, and slightly less likely to make any rash decisions.... and I hope that is enough to make you stop and smile
