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PoisonedApple · 04-03-2010, 11:10 PM

I can't sleep worth a damn anymore... I get to sleep between midnight and 1 and start a series of waking and sleeping from around 2-230 and on average wake up 6 time a night (for no apparent reason) before my alarm goes off at 630 am...
I'm practically only awake enough to work because I get coffee from the shop next door before work in the mornings that I can barely drag myself there... I know that the sleep disruption isn't because of too much caffeine because of the fact I hardly drink any unless I need to... Of this week I had 2 coffees and 2 hot chocolates in the mornings (alternating days) and the days were fairly the same.
I feel disconnected from myself about half the time and the rest of the time I feel like I'm going to just break down.
I've been keeping my thoughts mostly in check... ie even when I feel like not eating or like I need to harm I ignore it and keep on about my day.
But then I was "okay" for about 4 years before I started plummeting back to where I am now... 4 years of not being plagued by SI or an ED. It's not that those voices weren't there but they were quieter and I could ignore them or drown them out with other things and now everything else gets drown out most of the time.
And now that I need some kind of coping mechanism... I'm at a loss. I quit smoking so no stress relief there... I don't drink much out of a fear of becoming an alcoholic like my father's side of the family is so prone to being. My creativity for the most part is dried up and drought like. I refuse to cut (for a few reasons... a promise I made and fear I'll go to far and die, alongside my husband finding out about it being the main ones right now). ..

I just don't know anymore. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm drowning on dry land.

I'm sorry... I know that's a lot of different crap to have sat and read through... I just had to say something...

04-03-2010, 11:10 PM	#1
PoisonedApple Crazy Chic Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: 7th Layer of Hell	Dunno what to do anymore... I can't sleep worth a damn anymore... I get to sleep between midnight and 1 and start a series of waking and sleeping from around 2-230 and on average wake up 6 time a night (for no apparent reason) before my alarm goes off at 630 am... I'm practically only awake enough to work because I get coffee from the shop next door before work in the mornings that I can barely drag myself there... I know that the sleep disruption isn't because of too much caffeine because of the fact I hardly drink any unless I need to... Of this week I had 2 coffees and 2 hot chocolates in the mornings (alternating days) and the days were fairly the same. I feel disconnected from myself about half the time and the rest of the time I feel like I'm going to just break down. I've been keeping my thoughts mostly in check... ie even when I feel like not eating or like I need to harm I ignore it and keep on about my day. But then I was "okay" for about 4 years before I started plummeting back to where I am now... 4 years of not being plagued by SI or an ED. It's not that those voices weren't there but they were quieter and I could ignore them or drown them out with other things and now everything else gets drown out most of the time. And now that I need some kind of coping mechanism... I'm at a loss. I quit smoking so no stress relief there... I don't drink much out of a fear of becoming an alcoholic like my father's side of the family is so prone to being. My creativity for the most part is dried up and drought like. I refuse to cut (for a few reasons... a promise I made and fear I'll go to far and die, alongside my husband finding out about it being the main ones right now). .. I just don't know anymore. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm drowning on dry land. I'm sorry... I know that's a lot of different crap to have sat and read through... I just had to say something...
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