[FakeSmiles]

The Choice

Sitting here alone in my room,
a razorblade clasped in my hand,
feeling the oh so familiar smoothness
the coolness of it on my skin,
the fragile strength of it.
My friend,
my poison.
Should I again,
take it to my arm
drag it across,
release the grief?
Or put it down,
put it away,
Maybe for another day
but for now,
out of sight,
out of mind?
My choice has come,
far too logically for my twisted mind,
far too sanely for my insanity.
I ask myself what do I want,
my answer is so unclear.
My escape
my release
my relief.
Or my hate
my pain
my love.
Shall I bend or shall I break?
Shall I grow weak or shall I grow strong?
Shall I fall or shall I stand tall?
The choice is mine and mine alone.
Let go of the hate or let go of the pain?
Maybe just 1, or 10, or 20?
I run it lightly across my skin,
hard enough only to scratch.
It's then that I know.
Inside me I am strong,
Inside me I have hope,
Inside me I can beat this,
Inside me I decide,
Inside me I have love.
Tonight is the night I hold myself tall,
Tonight is the night I pray for a better tomorrow,
Tonight is the night I lay down my knife,
Tonight is the night I start up my fight,
Tonight is the night I win not lose,
Tonight is the night I whisper, "for you".

If only you knew
Just how much I love you.


What You Are To Me...

You are the rain
You are the sunshine
You are the rainbow
You are my pot of gold
You are my diamond in the rough
You are my gift from God himself
You are the waves crashing into me
You are the lifeboat to pull me from the sea
You are my touch
You are my hope
You are my love
You are my faith
You are my trust
You are the sweetshop and I am the kid
You are my heart
You are my inspiration
You are my goodness
You are my light
You are my eyes when I lose sight
You are the hand pulling me through the dark
You are my drive
You my passion
You are why I strive
You are why I feel so lost
You are my home
You are my comfort
You are my question
You are my answer
You are my conscience
You are my butterflies
You are my nerves
You are my skipped heartbeat
You are my pain
You are my solace
You are my sorrow
You are my hurt
You are the bursting in my chest
You are my choice
You are my imagination
You are my life
You are my everything
But you aren't mine.

Hope

You tell me I must have hope
Otherwise I wouldn't be here.
You're right,
It's true.
I have hope alright,
And my hope is you.

It's in your eyes,
It's in your smile,
It's in the way you laugh,
It's in the way you hold me,
It's in the way you wipe my tears away,
It's the way you make me smile
When all I do is frown,
It's in the way you say you love me,
That tone of voice you use.
It's in the way you touch me,
It's in your very heart.
For my hope is in my love
And my love is in your heart.

Thanks for reading everyone, these poems are very personal to me so please don't bash them too harshly, I know they aren't very good :(