there's always options hun. I know how you feel, I'm assuming you're also a bit older and there's little understanding or acceptance of these feelings from the 'real world' once you're an "adult"
Your kids need you, get yourself some help, talk to your doctor or someone. Keep existing for now OK? Things will change, we all have to believe that.
I'm pretty messed up tonight too so not much help probably. But I hear you and I feel what you're saying and I've been there.
Joanie
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