Things are better today. Matthew sold one of his guitars so we had breakfast from Macdonalds and some nice chocolates. After a few hours of sleep today I sat up in bed and made a serious start on my dissertation. I'm still rushed but totally organised now. The weed is helping me sleep but I'm laying off it while I actually do the work, to concentrate.
One thing that is bothering me sooooo much is that my ex, who I was with for 5 years and left for Matthew, has met someone else. I'm so hurt by it. I cry in secret over it. I miss him but we weren't happy together and I only loved him like a brother but boy do I love him. He looked after me and made me safe. Matthew has never done that. I'm so sad.