i had to tell my husband about my cutting...i knew he was going to see/feel the cuts so i thought it would better to tell him before that happened and explain. and i confided in a friend. for a long time that was it. they let me deal in my own way. but then i freaked hubby out and started going to counceling.
i don't know if it was because i was feeling better, or wanting to feel better i started reaching out....i confessed to my women's group and to another very good friend or two. and part of me is glad that i did....i've gotten prayers that i've needed and a few of them are very supportive, i feel i can go to them whenever i'm having a bad day or urges. but it's almost like i tell someone and feel better, then i never mention it to that person again (and they never bring it up either)....and so i move on to someone else to tell.
for some reason i'm all paniced that too many people know (13!!!) . now i feel like some weird attention seeker. i'm trying to figure out why i'm still holding onto the SI and i'm all paranoid that maybe i really am doing this for attention? maybe i'm just a horrible needy person. ugh. part of me is scared that if i get better then no one will talk to me or care about me anymore, part of me wants to get worse they they will care more. i'm so insecure....i know that my friends and family care about me, but....i'm just so confused.
does ANYONE else feel this way or understand what i'm babbling about!?
