I've been a bit absent for a while, but I've been putting the complaints process to the test. I made a formal written complaint to Qld Health - who are asking the Townsville District to investigate, and another complaint in to the Health Quality & Complaints Commission. The later will take some time to take effect - I already know that ... but hopefully it will see two things righted: 1) I will no longer have (dr) Brian Strueby as my Consulting Psychiatrist when on the ward and 2) My official diagnosis will be updated to what it should be, not what was decided after a single 5 minute consultation. Although they are adding things like DID and PTSD.
I am so far out of my depth now that I don't know what to do. I had to go up to the hospital with my housemate today and have only just gotten home. I got so anxious about things that I was nearly freaking out, and having to catch the 20:44 bus home really didn't help matters. It's now almost 10 pm and I've taken another two Xanax (making it three - 6mgs) for the day. And I can see I'm going to need more.
I think I've lost the plot. The only good thing that happened today was that I got a phone call from CATT (the crisis team) and he seemed to realise that I was in a dangerous situation. I asked them to call me early next week (and he said Tuesday) and informed them that I would ring in the meantime. I also emailed the pdoc that I saw letting them know that things were still progressively getting worse.
Ha, the CAT Team told me that I must have extremely good coping mechanisms ... and I was trying to tell them that I'm coping on pure luck. Right now I just want to get up tomorrow, walk down to the hardware store on the corner of the street and buy implements that my housemate has previously informed me I cannot have for my own safety.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I am losing control and am absolutely terrified that that in itself is going to result in either a suicide attempt or severe self harm. I don't want to do anything like that. I don't want to push what I had to suffer when Jem (my ex-boyfriend) suicided.
I just want out right now .... For gods sake - any god would do here - please let me find someway to keep it together until morning.
I just don't know anymore ...
Kat && romp: Thankyou so much for your support, offers of help and suggestions. I want you to know they have been much appreciated. ♥
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