[SilverFlame]

I'm so sorry, but this is a cry for help.

Right now, I want to cut myself up so badly. There is no trigger, no reason, I just feel like I need to. I know I'll speak to a counsellor in the morning, but that's hours away. Right now, I just want to hurt myself really badly. I want to see the proof of what I'm feeling.
I'm typing this because it's stopping my hands from doing this, and after this I'll have a cigarette. After that, I might come back and type some more, because I don't want to leave myself to my own devices.

Why am I never like this with a Dr? If they saw me now, they'd know immediately how badly I needed help. But when I see them, I'm always cool and calm and distant. If only they saw this.
I'm sorry.
Like I say I'm just distracting myself, and trying to help myself in the process. I just wish they were here to see how f***ed up I am when it really comes down to it.

I may be back soon, for more typing. If so, I may return to the venting thread. I just... I don't know. Wanted to know I'm not completely insane for what I'm feeling.

I guess what I'm really saying is:
Please, someone, help me. Tell me I'll be okay.