[StaceyJane]

So this is probably not going to be triggering at all but I thought I'd be safer than sorry.

I've not been around here in a long, long, long, long time... mainly because I've not felt I needed it, or I felt that being on here was making me worse or something I don't exactly remember.

Anyway... a lot has happened but I thought I was getting better, but recently I've been getting really down a lot. Well, no, I've been having insane rapid mood swings throughout the day and all my friends are pretty sure I'm going insane. It's caused me to walk out of college (like today) early and not even tell the tutor, and I just really don't even know what I'm doing anymore.

Saturday night I came in from a night hanging out with my friend and I was in high spirits, like really happy, but I still walked up to the bathroom and picked up a razor and cut myself with it twice. I dont even know why I did it, it was seriously just on impulse. I wasn't sure I wanted to do it, I just did.

And now obviously there are some serious red gashes on my arm that I am having to hide with long sleeves. I hadn't even cut myself in almost a year and I was proud of that, I thought I'd gotten over it.

Now I just want to... Oh I don't know what I want to do, just give up on everything maybe? Sigh. Anyway yes, anyone who reads this gets a big thanks from me, if you made it this far!