[phfatbeatrice]

Okay... Yesterday morning I slipped up horribly. But I'm urging again.. I am nearly crying for a blade. I don't WANT to do it but I feel the horrible need. Is it supposed to feel like this? I dunno how much longer I can hold out. As least til I get home I hope.. But I just wanna hurt myself so bad. I've been clawing myself since this morning, and it has yet to help.

I'm at a friend's house and she's being mean, saying that I am annoying her, though I'm not even in the seam room. And then when I go in there with her, she tells me to go away.... I don't know what to think at this moment. I just wanna run away, and hurt myself, and feel better, if only for a few minutes.

Then today is also Valentine's Day. I have been single for months (Not bringing up that incident. Caused quite a bit of scars on my arms..) and so Valentine's day is just making me think... about what has happened.

I dunno what has come over me. Another break down session maybe? I dunno... But I know, that as far as now, when I get home, my arms are going to be sliced.

Not pleasurable, Brianna