first to post..um..I've had alot of "experiance" I guess you could say with being abused by women, well, girlfriends, hte first g/f I had that abused me it was emotional abuse, she played mind games with my head and told me that she was only using me and such.
most recently, two years ago I was in a bad relationship with a girl, as alot of you know, what most people don't know is that she r*ped me on more then one occation, I did not say no because every time I tried she wouldn't listen and would take advantage of me anyway. she was also, mentally, physically and emotionally abusive as well as sexually, and she would always apologize after anything she did to me and said that she would "never do it again" what alot of people don't see from that relationship is the pain and torment that I went through, I had to be her caretaker, her keeper, I had to do nearly everything for her and keep her alive, and she fed on that. most people think that it was just a petty teenage relationship that ended badly, but they arn't in myshoes and to have people tell me that "oh you don't know what you're talking about blah blah blah" irritates me to no end. because they've never been in my situation.
even now seeing her in the halls, or talking to her, even if it's jsut a "hi" (I always have friedns around when she decides to talk to me, because there's a potential that she could hurt me) it fills me with sheer terror.
and I can't get away from her, my state doesn't beleive that a girl could be as abusive as she was, so they did nothing. I have to wait til I go to college to be free of her, it's also ruined me for future relationships, I have a really hard time trusting other girls, I'm getting better at it and I love the girlfriend I have with all my heart because she understands and is very patient and understanding with me.
but the sexual part of a relationship scares the crap out of me. I don't think I can be that way with a woman again for a long time, because of the things that my ex did to me, and that infuritates me that I can't share the utmost act of love with the person that I love because I'm damaged.
I'm slowly getting better with trusting and being open with my partner though and it's taken and will take a lot of time and healing. but I think now I'm finally on the right path.
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