Hunni,
Its fine that you are posting. If it helps you in theslightest, then keep doing it. Vent - let it out - better on the computer screen than on yourself. I know you couldnt stop yourself from doing this last SI.. and I really dont know you very well, but I have been trying to read some of your posts.. but I havent been so gd myself.
What help and support are you getting right now? Do you have the use of the crisis prevention team? Or some form or support that you can contact that you can phone / visit when you know that tension is building up so that you need to cut? (I feel like a hypocrite here saying this because I have support but still cut) I understand that sometimes, nothing else will do.
Its just hard for others to accept that we would choose to do this to ourselves.
Maybe now that you have some serious consequences from the SI it will have shocked you into maybe reconsidering doing anything in future. Maybe not. But when or if you feel that way again, think of all the things you need the movement in your hands for.. and try ANYTHING that will keep you from doing it while you are in that state of desperation. Often, if you can let that emotion pass, the cut will not be as severe if you cut at all.
I know its hard. Very hard. I have been there and I am still there. Feel free to add me to msn or PM me if you want to talk about anything or just to vent.
Love and peace.
Cx
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