*hugs* I don't think my problems are any worse or not worse, we all have issues and it's really hard to cope. I understand how hard it is to cope with mood swings and why it's so tempting to self harm. Ultimately it's up to you, but if when you are ready do try and seek help.
are you old enough to go to a counselor without your mother knowing? they can be great to talk to about how to cope with bad feelings and how to do other stuff but self harm. i know what you mean about not having any friends to go to. Isolation can make the whole SI thing much more attractive yet much more painful at the same time.
Maybe since you're not ready to quit you could write out all the possible things that could happen if you let your self harm go too far, so you're reminded not to self harm to a dangerous extent. Try to always keep it in perspective that things can get better and you don't want to seriously damage your body and regret it later. I know there was a time when I wanted scars, and in fact there are still days when I weirdly still do. But then there may be times where you begin to feel better and then want to get close to people but your scars make you feel so alienated and different. and there are times when you feel like not thinking about the SI anymore but you're forced to cause you have the physical evidence of it.
I know people shouldn't judge but the harsh reality is that they do so it's best not to harm your body to the extent that it will make you feeling judged in the future. sorry for the rant, just wish I had realized some of this back when I started. so just know it won't always be like this so try to protect yourself from the results of your depression/anger as much as possible.
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