[charcoalchild]

umm...

i havva question.. but plz dont hate me.

Im a christian, have been for about 4 1/2 years, but ive had MH issues and have SH'ed for much longer. Since ive been a Christian sometimes when im a bit manic I get real over excited about 'religion'.. i read my bible 6-7 hours a day.. get feelings that i am sent by God to be a prophet or messenger..

Then when i hit a slump I find it hard to read my bible or go to church at all. Not because I have lost my faith.. its still as strong as it ever has been, but for instance ive not read my bible (before two days ago) for about 3 months. Now i know thats terrible.. but I have been going to church for mass most days of the week so i do hear scripture and teaching..

I love God with all of my heart and soul. I am so amazed and privalidged and in awe that He made and chose me and opened up the door when I came to Him. I am forever sorry for my sins. But I rejoice that I am forgiven.

My question is this;

* Is it so wrong for me to feel like I dont want to be a Christian?

Not because I dont agree with Gods teachings, or that I am resentful because I am ill... but because if I wasnt a Christian I wouldnt have the same conscience and so I could do what I want to do, ie sui.

Does anyone else question themselves like that?