Thanks for the comments about it guys. Hazel yeah I guess I'm kind of hyper-aware of possible symptoms of mental illness, but they probably wouldn't even have thought of it. And I don't really fit the stereotypical image of someone with mental health problems so I guess it's not a conclusion that they would have jumped to. Still... kinda hard not to think "There's something seriously wrong here" when you see a sh*t load of cuts down your daughter's arm, surely...
Annie - yeah that's true. I suppose if I had a 4 year old daughter I wouldn't really want her to have to go through all of the rigmarole of seeing psychiatrists and stuff. Though both my parents have had depression in the past, and have both dealt with people with pretty hefty issues, as my father is a church minister so they've both done a lot of pastoral work. Maybe they thought that they knew enough to fix me themselves or something.
I've been told countless times by professionals that one of my major issues and causes for my illnesses is the fact that I am totally unable to express my emotions, in particular anger. I just don't find it an acceptable emotion to show to others and because I don't really have much practice in expressing anger I don't know how to do it appropriately. All my life I have just shut everything away inside myself and the resentment has brewed away over the years. So on the very rare occasions that I do express something I just explode.
Plus me and my mum bounce off each other. For quite a while I wonder if she has issues herself because she is so over sensitive to certain subjects and just twists what you say. Telling her that I don't think she is being supportive etc would straight away be taken as a severe insult and proof of how ungrateful I am and how oversensitive/ exaggerating/ looking for drama I am. Which would then gradually escalate into essentially a shouted lecture from her. Which wouldn't solve much. So I just keep quiet instead. It's a bit of a vicious circle really. She's not empathetic so I get angry but I don't say so she can't empathise with what she doesn't know. I'm in a phase of keeping all of my ED and self harm as a complete secret so I guess I'm to blame really.
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