That makes sense, Mari.
For me though, 'outside', I have no choice but to face it. It's evident when I come in contact with anyone, in my 'shrinking and screaming and longing' at times when it's most intense. There's no escape. At least 'outside' I have some degree of choice and freedom - in hospital people's presence would be forced upon me and they'd be no place to hide when I needed to retreat from the exposure for a while.
The skin on my face is so raw you see, emotionally. It carries so many scars and hurts and pains.
I live with the conflict of aching for caring and contact, even from strangers [think lost little girl looking for everyone to be mummy], and fleeing it desperately because my projected self hatred screams through their eyes and attacks me and leaves me desolate.
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