Ok you don't need to stop yourself from having the horrible thoughts - what you need to do is to learn how to not over-react to them and struggle with them. Both of these things make the problems worse. You also don't want to struggle with symptoms of problems (which SI is) and not realise the root causes which are emotional in nature.
If you didn't have a lot of negative emotions built up there would be nothing to release. If you can learn to reduce those and/or keep them from controlling you then desire to SI (or smoke, drink, drugs etc) will reduce on it's own.
When your dad died were you angry with him? Were you angry with mum for his death? These kinds of things can seem like natural reactions but they are dangerous. Resenting dad and/or mum will turn back on you and create a real guilt and anxiety.
Add the upset of dad's death to other upsets and it will take less and less to get upset more and more until you become an extension of your thoughts and feelings and not vice versa. You can become an effect in your life and not a cause. Then you will hate yourself as well and fear stresses of life etc.
Oddly, the way to quit SI is to first stop trying so hard the wrong way (being upset and willfully struggling with the symptoms). I will write more latter.
|