[Queen Crabbit]

I saw a kid I used to play with today called Rebecca - some of you will know the story. To cut a long one short she used to do/make me to sexual stuff when I was a kid and yeah.

I feel ****. I feel dirty. I feel ashamed. I feel like I'm second hand goods and I hate myself.

I'd normally be pigging out on the nearest chocolate bar right now to try to make myself feel better [it works for about a second, but that's better than nothing] but I'm on a strict crash diet and i WILL stick to it. No, I am not starving myself, or anything like that, it's a diet everyone knows about/has heard of and I'm only doing it for the week. I HATE being so ****ing fat. Not that you'd know it to look at me. Well, you'd see the fat. But you wouldn't see how ****ing unhappy I am. If I'm busy or with someone that gives a **** about me I'm fine. But one of the few people that does give a **** isn't here any more, and I don't know when I'll next see him.

Exam results this time next week. I'm bricking it.

I just wish there was something about my physical appearance that was nice. I have a HUGE bum, HUGE thighs, flabby belly, shitty breasts, fat face, veiny/muscle-pokes-out-of-them feet... My lower arms/hands which actually aren't that fat are ****ed up with scars...

I'm so alone. I feel rejected and abandoned and although I KNOW I haven't been, I can't stop the feeling.

Sorry, I just needed to get this out somewhere.