*hugs you tight*
You've wasted no one's time. It sounds like you are in a really difficult place right now and I'm so sorry things are so hard for you? Are you in any kind of therapy at the moment? if you are not then i would recommend it so that you can talk about your dreams the things that you are seeing to them as well as everything else.
When you get urges to cut or OD, try and do something to distract yourself from them. If you can't then try and write everything down about your you are feeling and try and make sense of it all on paper. You don't need to cut yourself or OD. You can fight this and you can get through it. We're all here for you.
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