RYL Forums - View Single Post - Haunting Memories and a Fear--advice wanted

Comely · 09-08-2007, 03:20 AM

So,I've been abused in some way or another,basically my entire life. It was physical,possiblely sexual(suppressed memories...so I'm ont sure...),verbally,all the time. Well,I've been having the memories of baracading myself behind doors in fear of my safety/life,and the yelling and the names;the tears and pain that a person being abused suffers. I can't forget. The past 5(6?) years of my life have been verbal/physical/emotional abuse from my step-dad. Well,he quit drinking a few months ago,and he is now talking to me more casually etc. He doesn't have a good memory,and without a doubt does not remember any of the serious abuse he has done to me. Well,I remember.And,I don't know if I can handle this whole resolution thing. I'm in and out of serious bouts of cutting/burning/suicidal thoughts,because I just can't forget. And everytime he speaks to me I'm nervous. This man helped to destroy my self-esteem and mental health;my trust and my life. Am I supposed to be able to ever have a normal,at least friendly relationship with him someday?Or is it okay to feel like I really just don't want to try and develop any type of sensible relationship?

Point: My mom is going away for two weeks,she leaves in 4 days,and then it is just him and I. And I'm so afraid,there are so many bad things that could happen.He is SO incredibly dependent on my mom,to the point of over-neediness,even my mom admits to it. I'm afraid he'll drink again,and i'll be alone with him......I'm just not sure how to go about handling this.I've thought of having a friend stay with me,but I wonder if that is an even worse idea.I'm just not sure what to do.....

help?

09-08-2007, 03:20 AM	#1
Comely You seem so bruised,and it's beautiful Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Ontario,Canada I am currently:	Haunting Memories and a Fear--advice wanted So,I've been abused in some way or another,basically my entire life. It was physical,possiblely sexual(suppressed memories...so I'm ont sure...),verbally,all the time. Well,I've been having the memories of baracading myself behind doors in fear of my safety/life,and the yelling and the names;the tears and pain that a person being abused suffers. I can't forget. The past 5(6?) years of my life have been verbal/physical/emotional abuse from my step-dad. Well,he quit drinking a few months ago,and he is now talking to me more casually etc. He doesn't have a good memory,and without a doubt does not remember any of the serious abuse he has done to me. Well,I remember.And,I don't know if I can handle this whole resolution thing. I'm in and out of serious bouts of cutting/burning/suicidal thoughts,because I just can't forget. And everytime he speaks to me I'm nervous. This man helped to destroy my self-esteem and mental health;my trust and my life. Am I supposed to be able to ever have a normal,at least friendly relationship with him someday?Or is it okay to feel like I really just don't want to try and develop any type of sensible relationship? Point: My mom is going away for two weeks,she leaves in 4 days,and then it is just him and I. And I'm so afraid,there are so many bad things that could happen.He is SO incredibly dependent on my mom,to the point of over-neediness,even my mom admits to it. I'm afraid he'll drink again,and i'll be alone with him......I'm just not sure how to go about handling this.I've thought of having a friend stay with me,but I wonder if that is an even worse idea.I'm just not sure what to do..... help?
	"You're in the bathroom carving holiday designs into yourself,hoping no one would find you.But THEY found you,and they took you,and you somehow survived."