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Diamonds. · 18-12-2009, 09:05 PM

My OCD is killing me. It will kill me soon. I can't take much more. I feel like its taking over my life. Its in my head, and it wont let go. Its like a demon who has possessed me. I can't seem to shake it off. I can't seem to get rid. I just want to be able to live normally without feeling dirty and disgusting. I want to be able to get in the bath twice a day not ****ing 7-11 times. I want to be able to feel clean. I want to be able to not have to shave everytime I get in the bath.

I want to live my life without the horrible thoughts in my head. The thoughts, the voice telling me to be colour co-ordinated, to shave, to GET A ****ING WASH!. But I'm not clean. I have so many germs on me. I have to get them off. They are all over. ALL OVER! I need to scrub myself clean. I need to, i need to.

I'm so so tired. I'm fed up with my life at the moment. All I do is cut, to wash myself of my sins, and my dirtyness. I cut about 3 times a day, 7 days a week. I hurt myself because I deserve it. I bang my head off walls to get the voices and thoughts to stop. I want to die, I can actually say for the first time in my life, i really want to end it. Im scared. Im tired and I'm lonely.

18-12-2009, 09:05 PM	#1
Diamonds. 04/03/13 <3 Join Date: May 2008 Location: England I am currently:	OCD. My OCD is killing me. It will kill me soon. I can't take much more. I feel like its taking over my life. Its in my head, and it wont let go. Its like a demon who has possessed me. I can't seem to shake it off. I can't seem to get rid. I just want to be able to live normally without feeling dirty and disgusting. I want to be able to get in the bath twice a day not **ing 7-11 times. I want to be able to feel clean. I want to be able to not have to shave everytime I get in the bath. I want to live my life without the horrible thoughts in my head. The thoughts, the voice telling me to be colour co-ordinated, to shave, to GET A **ING WASH!. But I'm not clean. I have so many germs on me. I have to get them off. They are all over. ALL OVER! I need to scrub myself clean. I need to, i need to. I'm so so tired. I'm fed up with my life at the moment. All I do is cut, to wash myself of my sins, and my dirtyness. I cut about 3 times a day, 7 days a week. I hurt myself because I deserve it. I bang my head off walls to get the voices and thoughts to stop. I want to die, I can actually say for the first time in my life, i really want to end it. Im scared. Im tired and I'm lonely.
	thank you, Lily, for saving mummy's life*. You are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, and you'll be alright.