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Droplet · 18-12-2009, 03:18 PM

Thanks. :) Unfortunately things have changed a bit. Everything's gotten worse.

I have emailed beat once in the past (and just now) they are great. I am going to try mention it to my CPN after the hols. Don't feel much like doing it though.

Last night everything went wrong. I don't understand why. This is quite gross but...

I was very sick (purging a huge binge) and my boyfriend rang me, gathered what had happened and went very quiet on me. I feel guilty cause I have rung him before when I have hurt myself in other ways and he has his own **** to deal with, it's unfair of me, but it's that little needy i-need-comfort-i-need-love side of me that comes out, and I don't stop and think about other people.

So my sister heard me purging and then went in to the bathroom to wash etc afterwards and was almost sick herself and got so mad, it was her birthday as well. My mum started talking to me she was upset and angry and a million other things and I said there wasn't a problem. My mum feels desperate. I switched into that state where I don't want help yet I feel out of control. I feel alone.

I don't want people to pat me on the back and say 'that's fine', no. I don't know what I want. I think I need to grow up but I can't. It's like there's a huge barrier stopping me. :(

18-12-2009, 03:18 PM	#5
Droplet Join Date: Nov 2008	Thanks. :) Unfortunately things have changed a bit. Everything's gotten worse. I have emailed beat once in the past (and just now) they are great. I am going to try mention it to my CPN after the hols. Don't feel much like doing it though. Last night everything went wrong. I don't understand why. This is quite gross but... I was very sick (purging a huge binge) and my boyfriend rang me, gathered what had happened and went very quiet on me. I feel guilty cause I have rung him before when I have hurt myself in other ways and he has his own **** to deal with, it's unfair of me, but it's that little needy i-need-comfort-i-need-love side of me that comes out, and I don't stop and think about other people. So my sister heard me purging and then went in to the bathroom to wash etc afterwards and was almost sick herself and got so mad, it was her birthday as well. My mum started talking to me she was upset and angry and a million other things and I said there wasn't a problem. My mum feels desperate. I switched into that state where I don't want help yet I feel out of control. I feel alone. I don't want people to pat me on the back and say 'that's fine', no. I don't know what I want. I think I need to grow up but I can't. It's like there's a huge barrier stopping me. :(
Droplet Join Date: Nov 2008	The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea. Wind in the Willows.