Sorry i keep posting. its just i feel like utter crap today! i cant talk i feel so bad, i was in the car this morning just hopng someone would drive into us, i want to curl up in a tiny ball and die! i had another really long attack last night and woke up my entire family because i was being so loud although i was trying to be quite and my brother got up and i felt so bad because he had to get up for school early this morning and my mum came to comfort me but was half asleep so i feel like a horrible horrible person, depriving them of sleep! i was just lying there thinking of the camera in my room and i started to get scared and then i panicked and now i cant sleep in my room so i have to sleep on the sofa, but i dont know where there are other cameras so im finding it hard to sleep at all!
i have a pyschology appointment today but i caant talk, so it will probably be pointless there is no point in me going, the only reason to go is so i can run away! i just feel so terrible i havent felt ths bad in ages i want to tear myself to peices its what i deserve! i cant do this anymore! and i know i sound selfish only thinking of myself and i should think of my family but im hurting them by having all these panick attacks my parents are really stressed with work and my brother is hating school and im just making it worse makng them worry about me! i want these attacks to stop! but even if they did stop would i feel any better?
i ran out of antidepressants the day before yesterday so didnt take one last night would it have this effect so quickly?
im sorry this has been so long and rantish and im being selfish by keeping on posting but i cant talk to anyone because i just cant get the words out!
sorry
x
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