I can understand why you feel this way, and I'm really sad that your only comfort has come from times spent in psychiatric wards.
What helped me was engaging in day services. It's almost like I built another "safe place" with the help of the staff and other clients. It feels good to be able to connect with people there, but also to be able to leave whenever I want and to go home at night-time, knowing they will be there the next day, or in a few days, or whenever I'm due to see them next.
That support may come from NHS day services (although not all areas still use those, and those that do tend to be more heavily structured around groups and time-limits) but often there are also day services run in the community, by social services or Mind.
When you have managed to settle in there, which can take a while, you get the best of both worlds; care, nurturing and support from other people, and also the opportunity to self-nurture when you are away from the service (days off, night-times etc.)
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