Yeah, I feel kind of stupid going to church and knowing that I'm like the ONLY one there who has stupid problems like this.....it's not like I've been raped or been through terrible foster families or anything like that. An ED and SI is MY fault, nothing I can blame on anyone else.....it's not like I can give a fancy testimony about how I've overcome the odds and prevailed or anything like that.....it would end up being like, " Hi, my name's Erin and I did some things ,completely on purpose, that were really gross, and I loved every second of it. Now I don't. Woot! for me!" .....there are all these kids in my youth group who have done amazing things and lots of people look up to them-----they'll talk and we clap because we're proud of what they're doing.....but it's like.....who would ever want to look up to ME?! No matter what I did, I would still have all this hanging over my head.....like I'm a bad Christian.....it's so awkward sitting there and knowing that al these people have LIVES and purposes and I'm the only one in the room who's just screwed up.....
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