I ended up crying loads this morning. I'll add more details when I get in from work.
But at least now I've been able to form a bridge between me and 5 year old me.
One hour to go.
It's hard because not many people seem to understand why this is upsetting me so much. They say that I know most of the people etc. Thing is I know that, but they don't know 5 year old me, and she doesn't know them. And it's really now staring me in the face how deep the dissociative divide is. It's both a shock and a relief to understand this.
Although it's indeed trauma stuff that is causing me the problem, it's also less 'typical' trauma stuff. The confusion and alienation and lostness of an insecure 5 year old girl starting school for the first time.
|