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pea soup · 29-11-2009, 06:07 AM

ok..it's like this....

Kelly is in the hospital yet again. i almost accidentally killed her last night. i was trying to just get away for a minute and she laid under my van. i didnt know she was there until her mother screamed to me to stop. i had it in reverse and was ready to hit the gas. i could have killed her. she was lying under my right front tire. it's just now registering what ALMOST happened!!!!

i called crisis for her last night before all this happened. they came and got her but then released her!!! after the incident with the van her poor 14 year old daughter called the police and this time they kept her.

she thinks that i have cheated on her which i HAVEN'T!!!! i just had to get away for a day. life has been unbelievably stressful lately. kelly is so angry all the time. i dont understand it. it brings me down. i think about suicide EVERY DAY. but i wont do it. i have to fight the thoughts all the time.

i slipped up the other night and have alot of superficial cuts. uggghh. i was really trying hard.

i visited Keith last weekend though :) THAT WAS GREAT!!! its so hard to be with him and everything is so happy and peaceful and then come home to chaos. he is 12 now and so smart. we had so much fun. i will see him again next month also :)

i have become Kaleb's mother. kelly isnt capable. i am. i would bring Keith home if i thought it was best. but it isnt. he has a great great life. i will not disrupt it. but i will not continue to be Kaleb's mother. i love him to pieces but i wont continue. im not being a mother to my own son and it isnt right.

i know im rambling. ive lost my whole point now....im so sorry im never around for any of you. things are just so hectic all the time.

i love you guys and miss you so very much.
loves.
xxxxx

29-11-2009, 06:07 AM	#1
pea soup Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: at the end of the rainbow I am currently:	It's Rachel..need to talk... ok..it's like this.... Kelly is in the hospital yet again. i almost accidentally killed her last night. i was trying to just get away for a minute and she laid under my van. i didnt know she was there until her mother screamed to me to stop. i had it in reverse and was ready to hit the gas. i could have killed her. she was lying under my right front tire. it's just now registering what ALMOST happened!!!! i called crisis for her last night before all this happened. they came and got her but then released her!!! after the incident with the van her poor 14 year old daughter called the police and this time they kept her. she thinks that i have cheated on her which i HAVEN'T!!!! i just had to get away for a day. life has been unbelievably stressful lately. kelly is so angry all the time. i dont understand it. it brings me down. i think about suicide EVERY DAY. but i wont do it. i have to fight the thoughts all the time. i slipped up the other night and have alot of superficial cuts. uggghh. i was really trying hard. i visited Keith last weekend though :) THAT WAS GREAT!!! its so hard to be with him and everything is so happy and peaceful and then come home to chaos. he is 12 now and so smart. we had so much fun. i will see him again next month also :) i have become Kaleb's mother. kelly isnt capable. i am. i would bring Keith home if i thought it was best. but it isnt. he has a great great life. i will not disrupt it. but i will not continue to be Kaleb's mother. i love him to pieces but i wont continue. im not being a mother to my own son and it isnt right. i know im rambling. ive lost my whole point now....im so sorry im never around for any of you. things are just so hectic all the time. i love you guys and miss you so very much. loves. xxxxx Last edited by pea soup : 03-12-2009 at 06:14 PM.