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Droplet · 29-11-2009, 12:23 AM

I don't know if I should be posting this or if this is the right forum but..

I am struggling. I have my own things going on. My moods and my eating and my temper. And then there's my insecurity and paranoia.

I've just spoken to my boyfriend. He's just come back from holiday and he's got his own stuff going on. He has chronic depression, bad IBS and family problems and it's rather serious.

I can't handle my feelings. I can't handle caring so much about someone but having all these problems come along with it, it feels utterly numbing. It is not a case of him or leaving him or anything like that. (Though however much he reassures me I fear that happening) It's just way too overwhelming and I don't know how to cope let alone what to do.

I feel like I'm totally alone because he does not want me to worry at all. I can't talk to my parents, I need my independance from this relationship there, I need some privacy there. I can't talk to my friends, I have no real-life ones except ones that he is quite close to to. I have my support worker coming to see me soonish.

It's hard, so ****ing hard and I don't know how to deal with his depression. I've been sheltered in my life, in a strange way in that I've spent most of my teenagehood in psychiatric hospitals where there is a lot of illness going on and friendships but I have no responsibility for making it better. That's someone elses job. And after my 6 months or whatever that's it, I go home, and I always know I'm going to go, and I'm always in the same position myself.

I really feel crushed. Like I'm falling. I am helpless to help him. I care about him so much and then I'm angry too that things can't be ok for us. I'm not asking for miracles, just normality and it feels so unfair.

Can anyone relate? Can anyone help?

(And sorry that I didn't know what title to put)

Edit: And I'm sorry, I realise lots of people's lives here are pretty ****, but I am struggling, don't know where to turn.

29-11-2009, 12:23 AM	#1
Droplet Join Date: Nov 2008	Woah. I don't know if I should be posting this or if this is the right forum but.. I am struggling. I have my own things going on. My moods and my eating and my temper. And then there's my insecurity and paranoia. I've just spoken to my boyfriend. He's just come back from holiday and he's got his own stuff going on. He has chronic depression, bad IBS and family problems and it's rather serious. I can't handle my feelings. I can't handle caring so much about someone but having all these problems come along with it, it feels utterly numbing. It is not a case of him or leaving him or anything like that. (Though however much he reassures me I fear that happening) It's just way too overwhelming and I don't know how to cope let alone what to do. I feel like I'm totally alone because he does not want me to worry at all. I can't talk to my parents, I need my independance from this relationship there, I need some privacy there. I can't talk to my friends, I have no real-life ones except ones that he is quite close to to. I have my support worker coming to see me soonish. It's hard, so **ing hard and I don't know how to deal with his depression. I've been sheltered in my life, in a strange way in that I've spent most of my teenagehood in psychiatric hospitals where there is a lot of illness going on and friendships but I have no responsibility for making it better. That's someone elses job. And after my 6 months or whatever that's it, I go home, and I always know I'm going to go, and I'm always in the same position myself. I really feel crushed. Like I'm falling. I am helpless to help him. I care about him so much and then I'm angry too that things can't be ok for us. I'm not asking for miracles, just normality and it feels so unfair. Can anyone relate? Can anyone help? (And sorry that I didn't know what title to put) Edit: And I'm sorry, I realise lots of people's lives here are pretty *, but I am struggling, don't know where to turn. Last edited by Droplet : 29-11-2009 at 12:25 AM. Reason: add something*
Droplet Join Date: Nov 2008	The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea. Wind in the Willows.