thnx for the flutter Wizzington :P
Fanks Romperoo. Long time no speak. Hope you are ok love. Still mad for your cars and bikes? I too am short on words of advice these days. I dunno where it all went. I used to spam this board :|. now i can barely read two posts and after a reply im tired.
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Bit triggery:
I drew a serated knife acoss myself today :( I dunno why i did it. I didnt do any damage. Just looks liike a scratch honest. and not a "Matthew" scratch, a real one. *sigh*
It hurt but it was something i miss so badly. something i remember so well. An old friend. All that was missing was the deepness and that red stuff i dont like :P
When people say ive come a long way it makes me wonder what kinda state i was in before. worryingly and unhelpfully i have little recolection most days. Its hard to guage where you are now when you cant see where you were. Does that make sense?
Now and then i think **** ME you were a nutcase Matthew. WHat were you thinking? But i cant recal what others remember about me. Thats a worry. Had i really lost it? I always thought i was pretty much concious of my thoughts and decisions.
My memory is sooo bad. thats a worry too.
almost cried at work again today. Rephrase that: i did cry at work, half a tear leaked out.
I dont feel right.
I really want to cut myself like i used to.
jesus im really struggling tonight :(
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