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How do you love your abuser to whom you are married to?
It hurts.
Emotionally.
It hurts.
Physically.
I feel used. I feel raped. I feel belittled.
Abused as a youngster. Now possibly as a wife??
I love him. He is my husband. I dont like to do "it" all the time. He does.
Its hard. It hurts. He slaps me (not my face) It hurts. He pulls my hair. It hurts. He calls me dirty things. It hurts.
I step away from myself when doing "it". I dont like it. But he is my husband of 15 years. He loves me. I dont love my body as I am insecure unless I am on my psycological high and then I am all over him.
How wrong am I? How do I love to do "it" . Why do I only want "it" on a high?
I feel I owe it to him to have sex. I am just so exhausted. I am just so humiliated by my own body.
He says he loves me.
He does love me.
I just dont know about me though.
God this was hard to write.
Rain
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