Hey Honey,
Sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment.
Firstly - you haven't thrown away three months. Even if you have self harmed now, it still doesn't take away the three months that you were free for. Having a break from self harm will have given your body a chance to recover a bit and to heal, so the months aren't wasted. Also, just because you have self harmed now doesn't mean that you aren't able to quit, you could view it as a slip up and continue to count the time free. Or, if you feel you need to continue self harming then it is still a goal you could have for the future - perhaps next time you could reach 3 months and 1 week free. Giving up self harm is a slow process, in fact giving up anything is hard - if you think of smokers, they often slip up and have one cigarette but it doesn't mean they are back at the start.
You said that self harm didn't help you. Do you think the same could be said for taking an OD? The likelihood is if you took an OD you would feel worse, because you would have to deal with the physical symptoms of the OD as well as the emotional things.
If you were to die then you would be missing out on so much, not least the chance to recover which I believe you can do :)
Maybe you could take a break from doing your university assignment for a short time but make a plan to start it again, say Monday, and set yourself small goals so that you have completed your university assignment by the date set. I know you don't want to be alive by then but I agree that you need to do the work just in case you are alive, and I truly hope you will be alive. I can relate though to not seeing the point in doings things and thinking "Well I'll be dead by then anyway" but you just never know.
Is there something in particular that is making it difficult for you at the moment? What can't you face anymore?
I can relate to a lot of what you wrote and I hope you haven't found my reply patronising. If you ever want to chat, feel free to PM me.
Lotti xx
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