Romperfry, i don't know how you have the strength to reply to my posts let alone put up with them considering how much you are going through at the moment! I appreciate you replying, i have no idea how you manage! I think i feel trapped at the moment, i'm just about coping with work but my moods have been so erratic recently. I think i just want someone to fix it. It is so hard to live day in and day out feeling no joy, happiness, love. I'm sure the majority of people on this website will understand that. I find therapy is becoming better (now we've got through the horrendous first 11months of me not trusting and getting angry over nothing) but it is hard to live knowing none of this is getting better anytime fast. Therapy is my solution, i've been on lots of meds and they don't generally help and then i get impulsive and either stop them suddenly or take too much. But i'm really tired, i'm tired of trying and i just want to take a magic pill to make it all better!! I think i may go to therapy next week and tell her how much i'm struggling, she knows i'm tired but i never really explain the depression as i'm too busy trying to get past my controller. You are right, everyone does goes through the 'why?' phase, i got caught up in that myself a few years ago, did the whole philosophy, religous thing...thought it would help but i found i was disappearing into other people and the confliction inside me was too much to handle. I felt like a complete fraud. I know i think too much, that's half my problem, people laugh at me because i think too much. That's why i worry about writing too much, people usually scorn and laugh at me. Take care of yourself, do not take too much upon yourself at the moment, let other people care for you once in awhile! Thinking about you and your family.
Tokoloshe, yes having logic and rational doesn't overly help when you are depressed. I know the solution to depression: therapy, support, good diet, physical activity, new activities, distraction. How come it doesn't work for me?! I know i have more than just depression going on....but still you'd think it would reduce it at least a bit! I've given up on the social distraction side of things, it's too tiring for the moment. thanks for the support, i appreciate it. I hope your ADs are starting to kick in now too, you deserve to feel a bit of lightness in your life! take care.
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