[Velvet]

Chapter Seven: Of Death

Teetering on the edge of sleep, images of death lingered against my mind. Vivid images of plane crashes, of blood and gore took over my half awake mind. Images of my dead extended family sprung to mind. Barely a week had passed since that had left. Five days to be exact. The presence of the thoughts made it near impossible to sleep, so I gave up entirely. My eyes fluttered open and I knew something was wrong. I stepped forth from the holding of my bed and walked toward my parent’s room. I felt my eyes widen as I took in my mom’s tear stained face.
“What’s wrong?” I asked warily, expecting the event not to have any impact on me.
“Uncle James is dead,” the raw, rough voice broke into my heart. I stood there for a second, frowned and walked back into my bedroom. Nothing graced my mind. For a moment, I was nothing, and even to myself, I did not exist. Then, reality, as deft as an opening flower broke through the first reaction. Tears began to fall thick and fast as I gapped in disbelief at my walls, as though they would be able to give me some insight into what was happening. Suddenly, I felt as though something was crushing my chest as I forgot how to breathe. My muscles tensed and a tension headache soon found its way into my situation.

For just a moment, I was rendered helpless. I could only stand there, reliving the images of a plane crashing. No, that would have killed the whole family. I numbly walked into my mother’s room. I curled up next to her on the bright white bed sheets. My mind, looking for something to take away this indescribable shock and pain latched onto the whiteness of the bedding.
“W-what happened?” I finally asked, plucking up the courage. I did not want to distress my mother any more, and due to that did not want to ask her that question. I felt like an inconvenience.
“He was electrocuted,” she replied, her voice filled with a wrenching sadness.
I felt my body go cold and my brain blank out for a second. It couldn’t be. That did not seem fair, it did not seem right. They had gone away to create a better life but now they had a nightmare. My cousins no longer had a father. Angry, and consumed by my own grief, I felt my reality fall away and only the wild unchecked, primal emotions remained. I looked up as my mom continued to talk.
“There was a puddle on the floor... as well as the geyser,” the story remained broken, as even my mother struggled to keep her thoughts together. Uncle James was her brother and the closest maternal family that she had left.
“Chris saw it,” she concluded finally.
Chris, the younger cousin – had seen it. I blinked the tears out of my eyes, knowing that I had to be strong for my mother. It just did not seem fair. Numbly, I went to bed after my father had brought us all sleeping tablets. I stared up at the ceiling, contemplating my first experience of the death of a loved one. The tears came and went in tides of grief until finally I drifted into a very unsettled sleep.

The next morning I still demanded to go to school. I refused to allow myself to be caught up at home and drown in my own poisonous thoughts. Adamantly, I decided that I would not allow this to affect me. However, I sent a message to Penny and Zillah, telling them what happened, just so that I would not be alone in my feelings. I looked at myself in the mirror, horrified to see that I looked like an emotional wreck. I did not want people to see I was upset. I just wanted to get up and get on with my life. I arrived at school just as I received the messages from Penny and Zillah. I barely registered what I read, so I put my cell phone back in my pocket after a shaky reply. I sat in my register class, staring blankly ahead. My two friends joined me, talking about trivial details. Bethan, the more talkative one, droned on about her latest conquests as I zoned out. I had not really cared about her love life before and I was not going to care now. Stacey, the more intuitive of the two, turned her focus to me.
“What’s wrong?” her question took me by surprise and I broke into a flood of tears, utterly uncontrolled. Anger rocked through me at my weak disposition and I desperately tried to gain control again.
“M-my U-uncle died,” I stuttered out.
“Oh, I’m so sorry. I was just babbling on about my life. You should have said something!” Bethan said, surprising me. I found myself enfolded in their arms, completely baffled about their reactions.

The rest of the day played out much the same. As people confronted me about why I was looking withdrawn and sad, I broke down and confessed much to my own disgust. Teachers that I barely knew threw consoling looks at me. I knew that they had been informed. My cousins had gone to the same school as me, so I guessed it was only natural that they knew. I managed the day then was taken home. I heard from my mom Zillah would be coming around. I felt encouraged and almost excited. I had not seen her in awhile and always enjoyed her company. As soon as I got home, I curled up on my mom’s bed, waiting for her to arrive. No sooner as I had lay down, was I asleep. I woke up an hour later to soft voices. I picked myself up and crept through to the lounge. There Zillah and a few other people were seated around the dining room table, talking to my mom. I almost shied away as Zillah glanced up and caught sight of me.
“There you are! I was about to come get you up. It’s not good to lock yourself up away,” her voice was exuberant and she got up and embraced me in a rib crushing hug. I smiled somewhat at the whole thing, feeling too drained to do anything else.
“How are you doing?” she asked her gaze sharp.
“I’m fine,” I replied simply, shrugging my shoulders.
“Don’t lie, I know you’re not,” she smiled and brought me once again into a warm comforting hug.
That’s a stupid question to ask then, my mind growled. I really was fine though – Well, I would be fine.
“Zillah has offered that you go stay with her while I’m in New Zealand,” my mom piped up. “I’m going to his funeral and helping Colleen managed with everything.”
I nodded numbly, and my lips formed the words, “That would be nice.”
A twinge of relief touched my mind. I got to escape from this horrible reality and my cold, indifferent father and brother. It seemed like a bargain.