Oh jeez that was hard to read because it rings a really loud bell somewhere deep inside me.
Not feeling wanted.
Not feeling heard.
Them not wanting to listen unless it was what they wanted to hear.
Always trying to prove that i'm good enough to listen to.
Friends that i tie to me by making them emotionally dependent on me.
'Friends' that are like ghosts in the night - all a pretense.
Fear that one day even they'll grow tired of me if i was just me. Ever.
Fear of being invisible. Need to be invisible.
Trying, trying, trying to be and feel something i can't and don't.
Anger that i can't manage this.
Disappointment noone 'cares' enough to help me.
Dejection that none of this will ever change.
Seeing 2 paths in front of me, desperately wanting to be take one but stepping everyday nearer to the other.
That is what your post made me feel.
I wish i could tell you things can get better. I wish, wish, wish i could say that to you. But i won't allow myself to lie.... But if it helps in even a small way, i am here now despite all the above because i know other people can feel loved, wanted, valued and happy...so those have to be real emotions and there has to be some way to attain them. I have to believe that, and i think somewhere deep down, i do. So hold on and have faith.
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