it might im not allowed to stress her out i was told so by her doctor no stressing mummy nuhuh
and daddy say i selfish and a naughty ungrateful girl for being depressed etc because it stress her, and i know that not true but it still scary
i think im gonna have to though
its weird that its less than 12 hours since i learned i might have to, and im already comign to terms with it cos i think at the back of my mind i knew id have to one day
but ive never done anythign LIKE that, like, not even remotely like that. and i dont think i even can. i mean, when i was in for an overdose i made them pull the plug early and checked myself out wihtout even getting my liver tested!!!!!!!! i cant last at a hopsital
and hospitals..... no likey. last time i went was for overdose, time before that was for miscarriage, time before that was when mummy was sicky and i thought she was gonna die..... hospitals bad bad places, especially at this time of year
i just DONT KNOW
patrick wont look after me any more....... if he would then i woulda been ok but i broke his brain and now he wont look after me.... he says... things... today i said that i was doing all the therapy stuff for HIM cos he was the one who got me into it and begged me to carry on, and that it was killing me, and he said that was bullshit because i was already dead inside so it doesnt matter whether my body dies because it wont make any differnce
i just want someone to love me... i just want someone to cuddle me and make it okay, and there ae only a few people i will even let come near me and none of them want anything to do with me any more, or just use me and manipulate me because they can see how needy i am... i need someone to love me, i need it, and nobody will
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