Allie, I'm sorry about your Uncle and your Grandma. There is nothing I can say that will take away your pain or cure your Grandma or bring back your Uncle. I understand the feeling of disbelief and not being able to understand when someone close to you passes away. A few days before my Grandpa died I had planned to go back and drop some chocolate off for him. I didn't go because of various reasons and he died a few days later. It took a long time for his death to truely sink in and even longer before I was able to start accepting it.
The doctors estimate for your Grandma is not exact though hun. You still have time to make new and special memories with her. Try not to waste that time mentally destroying yourself. Enjoy it. You are doing so well not self harming and you have progressed so far in the last 18 months or so (whether you can see it or not). Don't go backwards, nobody would want that...not you, not your friends, family and definitely not your Uncle or Grandma.
I think cutting becomes almost an automatic response when something bad happens. Even after we stop regularly self harming then because we once relied on it to cope it becomes the first thing we turn to. It doesn't mean you are going to go back to it.
Keep going Allie, you know where we all are.
*hugs* xxx
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