You don't have to be sorry for feeling the way you do, I can relate as well and it's a horrible feeling to have. I'm in a pretty similar place to you, except I'm lucky because I've moved out of home I don't have people threatening to tell my parents things. I just can't trust them.
I agree with what you said about being in a room full of people and still feeling incredibly alone. I am sorry you feel so bad and I wish I had something productive to say that might actually help you but my mind is blank at the moment.
Would you find it helpful to talk to a helpline like the Samaritans? It might help to speak to someone and hear their voice, but knowing that they won't be passing on your information to anyone.
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