[Merc]

Did you manage to get hold of your CPN? Social worker?
I hope you have spoken to one of them at least.
I kind of understand what you mean, about wanting to SI but not being depressed...but I think, 'realistically', when we feel this way, we are actually 'depressed'.
Because, happy, so-called 'normal' ppl don't feel the urge to hurt themselves, right?
Or have I misunderstood, and it is solely the voices that are causing you to want to harm?
I know ho wterrifying and demanding voices/commands can be...but I remember being told that they are just voices, they are NOT real, and that only I give them the power to hurt me.
Which I know is so much easier to realize when they are not screaming in your head.
Has your doc suggested another med to try? Would you be willing to try it? I klnow it sucks, suffering thru SE's, especially if the med ends up useless for you, but you just never know. It potentially could be the right one. What is there to lose?
Could your CPN and/or SW put some more support in place? As in some sort of 'talking' therapy?
Would you be willing to try?
Pls don't be afraid to push for help, the help you need AND deserve.
No one should have to live this way.
Let us know ok?
Thinking of you


(ETA: as one step closer said: you know yourself best. If you feel you need more support with other issues, aside from depression, pls let them know this. Even if you need to write a letter..or even print your post out.)