Sorry APple, I couldnt get back on. Romp....I went to masn and no one. thats fine...
*******UPDATE*******
I saw my counsellor today. I cried. I told her my intention. I told her I couldnt do it before because I had made the promise not to weeks ago.
I told her my plan with the gang.
I told her my plan to cut. I couldnt promise not to.
I cried real tears. I havent done that in ages.
I wanted to stay. I wanted to scream.
I said alot of things. Some I regret, but they needed to come out.
I still feel the urge. I have made the plan.
SHe gave me HER number to call before I did anything. I couldnt promise, but i said I would IF i go through. I trust her.
I am so low in life right now. Everything should be ok. I should be ok, and yet this plan of attack on self--is timed.
do you ever plan on cutting? do you go fast or slow? do you impulse cut?
I feel even more (crazy, sicko, strange) whatever for planning it out, strategizing the whole ordeal.
the last time i did this, it was 18 stitches. 1 year ago the week before thanksgiving.
I am that strong or more so now.
Why am i so messed up?
why cant i just be the mom and wife, and be happy?
BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHO I AM.
please, I am begging, i know i am not alone. help me.
Rain
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