i am slipping under my own remorse. My new therapist is great. I had cut though before seeing her on Thursday. RIGHT before seeing her. She wanted to see it. Reluctantly I did show it.WOW! She was caring about it. Even knelt down beside me, put her hand on my knee and said that we would work this together. She called me that afternoon to see if the bleeding had stopped or if I had gone to ER(it hadnt by that time). I left a meassage for her yesterday. She called then, and she called today. Very kind woman I dont want to lose.
She knows I am alone this weekend. I am cleaning my house, my room, my closet. cleaning out. HE will come home to a fantastically showcase home that is without dust, without stuff laying around.
This is where it hurts. I feel like i am finalizing hte stituation where I could just leave. I mean suicide leave, yes. She asked about that (considering the letter I wrote my husband which could have been read as a final goodbye).
So I sit and ponder. No one here at the house-No one online could save me, but me.
WHAT am I doing?
I will have to leave something out, that i cant say I AM DONE
THIS is what I feel right NOW.
Please forgive me.
Please forgive me.
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