I remember when I started feeling like that, the cutting not working anymore. I did the same thing as you, cutting deeper and more often. It sitll didn't work. That's when I came to the realization that if I didn't work I should just stop. And I did, I had a few slips but when I found that it didn't work, I said 'enough!'. And that's how I basically stopped.
If you complete suicide how will you know the pain will go away? You'll be dead anyway...how could you possibly know? Plus, no one knows what comes after death and I won't go into that.
Okay, you should really seek out the advice of a doctor to make sure those suicidal attempts didn't do any major damage. Also, think about what would happen if you managed to get so close to death but was revived. What would people say? What would people do? I can say for sure that you'll be in a hospital but maybe that is best for you...it's better to go in a hospital now and before you make a nearly fatal attempt. It will take a long time for people to trust you again, they will be scared you will do it agian, they will always be on top of you making sure you're okay. I'm sure that you don't want that, it would be too much stress.
I'm very glad you are still here. I know you hate it, but even I care about you. Hell, I haven't met you but I feel your pain and I want you to get through this. And that's one thing, you CAN and WILL get through this. You are stronger than you think.
You are not being an attention whore, not by any means. You are seeking out help. It's getting attention but it's in a good way, you're not going around lying about things, exaggerating stuff, etc. That's the negative attention seeking that people do.
Do you have a therapist, psychiatrist, doctor? Anything like that? I really think you need to reach out to someone now and explain all you are feeling. Be honest, be strong, be yourself. Let people know you are stuggling. You can only get the help you need if you let yourself get it.
I know you can do it! Don't give up!
Keep talking about it if it helps.
xx
|