Oh Kiran, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so down about yourself at the moment. I'm not sure if I can say anything that will help you feel any better about yourself, because I know feelings like that can be so, so strong sometimes, but you really are not a despicable person. What I think (and I may be totally on the wrong track here, so ignore this if you think I am!) is that you are a very very intelligent girl who thinks a lot about things, and I think that can make you very hard on yourself sometimes.
If someone had written your post, what do you think you'd say to them? What do you think are your best qualities? Maybe you could try writing down a list of points that you like about yourself - even if you don't feel like that would help at the moment, maybe write things down over time any time you feel positive about yourself, or you feel that you did something well, write it down, so that you can look back on it and know that you are a good person. You're a very friendly, caring, kind, funny person, and everyone deserves to have normal human relationships.
Are you at university now? If you are, I hope it's going ok so far - you're not inflicting yourself on anyone, they'll all be nervous and want to make new friends, and you deserve to be happy there.
I'm not sure any of this is particularly useful, but I hope you're doing ok, and I'm always free if you want to talk. xx
|